Growing Up Types – Sweetie is Sweeter

Adult Wisdom – If possible do not use hot harsh words when talking to people because harsh words stir up anger. Have you ever watched a butterfly fly or land then you know how peaceful they are.

Growing Up Types – Who Blamed You?

Adult Wisdom – Blaming other people for your problems will keep the problems around.  Do you know people that always blame other people for their problems? Nothing that happens to them is ever their fault, they won't admit to being any part of the problem.  The Monarch butterfly has to migrates 2500 miles in the winter to Mexico or California for two reasons. They cannot withstand freezing weather in the northern and central continental climates in the winter. Also, the larval food plants does not grow in Mexico or California, so the spring generation must fly back north to places where the plants are plentiful. If this butterfly decides not to migrate because they do not want to travel 2500 miles one way in the winter and another 2500 miles back in the spring, that decision will cause them to start to die of the cold temperatures in their northern feeding grounds or of starvation in the warm climate of Mexico or California.  Whose fault is that? If a butterfly want to be successful in its reproduction process it have to take the responsibility of its decisions. Either one of these decisions can be disaster or life for them, therefore they must make the decision to migrate to survive. If they do not they cannot blame anyone but themselves for the results.  Blaming other people is immature and you cannot get adult results with immature actions.

Growing Up Types: Do what you want taught!

Do what you want taught!

 CV White Quote: “If I see you doing something that works and I need that to operate in my life, you have just taught me a good lesson.

Most of the time teaching is done by talking to people and that is one way to learn but the best lessons are learned by watching what people do.  If you want to know the truth about a person just watch what they do. Also, if you watch long enough you may see something that is working well in their lives and then you can get the same result if you do what they do to get that result. But you do not have to spend the time that they spent to learn to do it.

One of the things that parents in my generation use to say to us their children, “you do what I say, not what I do”, but sometimes they would do opposite of what they said to do.  It could have been something good or bad, it did not matter to us. We consistently did what they said while they were watching. However, when it came to setting a pattern for our adult life, we did what they did and not what they said to do because that was what we saw working in their lives good or bad. And if it was OK for them, it was OK for us.

As an adult, you have to understand that what you do has a great impact on people and will influence people more often than what you say.  For instance, it you tell people that you lead (family, work or friends) that they have to be on time because of a time agreement that was made or because an event that starts at a particular time and you are never on time for anything nor do you keep your appointments that you personally make by being on time they are not going to listen to you.  More than likely, they will be late arriving to appointments because they see that it was not important enough for you to be on time so why should they have a problem with anyone about being late.

These is a hint to adults that want to teach a good lesson to children or adults, say and do what you want learned and you will usually get the desired results.  Let what you say be what you do and that will be taught by saying and doing. This is a stronger lesson than just doing.

Growing Up Types: Resonable and Valid Expectations

Reasonable and Valid Expectations

CV White Quote: “Expectations become unreasonable when you do not understand who people are to you and misunderstand who you are to them”

It is important to know who people are to you and who you are to them.  Some relationships are clearly defined and you have no problem knowing who people are to you and who you are to them.  For instance, married people know who they are to each other.  You are my wife and I am your husband, or you are my husband and I am your wife.  Likewise, parents and their children have a clear understanding of their relationship to each other.  Uncles, nephews, aunts, nieces or cousins all understand their relationships because they are clearly defined.  The problem comes when you position yourself in someone’s life as what you think that they are to you and begin to operate as if that were true.  The more you operate in the status of that relationship, the more real it becomes to you. Your expectations of them become unreasonable if that person does not share your ideas of the relationship. If you do not understand who you are to them, you will get hurt or wounded just because you lack understanding. 

One example of this is imbalanced attachments. A person who forms an imbalanced attachment is one who positions and attaches themselves to a person or a group of people without an invitation.  For example, if you have a best friend (this is not gender, it could be male or female) and you spend a great deal of time with their family, at some point you begin to feel like one of the family.  You will begin to act like one of them, you participate in the picnics, you bring your dish, you travel with them to the amusement parks, etc. Why, because everybody treats you like one of the family, but they do not see you as blood kin. However, you felt as blood kin because that is how you see them to you.  Then when their family has a big family event (a big wedding or graduation) but they do not have enough tickets for you or does something that you would really like to share with them, (it could be something as wonderful as a great business deal) you find that you are not invited.  You are now hurt because you did not understand who you were to them.  While the person that introduced you to their family may be a good friend, or even a best friend that sticks to you closer than a brother, their family did not share that reality.

One of the ways you can recognize who you are to them is to invite them to your house to spend time with you and your family. You will get more no’s than yeses and sometimes you get all no’s.  You are always going to their home and family events but they never even suggest coming to yours.  That is OK. You can keep going to see them and be a part of their family gatherings but just know who you are to them and let them be who they are to you.  You can treat them as blood kin because that is who they are to you without expecting that they will do the same for you and still enjoy their company and fellowship without feeling rejected when they desire not to include you. It is a wonderful thing when you are able to treat someone as blood kin when you know that you are not and not be upset when they do not return that privilege.  When you understand who people are to you and who you are to them, you can enjoy every moment of every relationship with every expectation in tack and in order.

There are four stages in the metamorphosis of butterflies: egg, larva (call caterpillars), pupa, and adult.  Each stage has a different goal and can be considered to be a different family, since none are able to be like the others. Therefore, there is no confusion about the expectation of each stage.  They know who they are so they have no expectation to be anything else. They do not attach themselves to any other stage (family) but they enjoy the process while they are becoming something new.  If you show kindness and love to someone and they desire not to show you the same, remember it is their loss because they will never know how good you felt when you did that for them.  By the way, you do not have to attach yourself to them uninvited to be kind or to show love or to receive it from them, expect this of yourself and let your expectations stop there.  That is a reasonable and a valid expectation.

Growing Up Types --- Value of Commitments

CV White Quote: "Committed people command respect"

Being committed is a vital part of adult success.  If you are not a committed person it interferes with every area of your life.  You also expect commitment from people in your circle of life.  A committed friend, a committed spouse, a committed parent, a committed aunt, a committed uncle, a committed family member, a committed employee, a committed group member, a committed team player, a committed roommate etc., shows that you have the attitude of someone who works very hard to do or support some people, groups, or things.  People are drawn to committed people, they have a tendency to trust them and they are able to get people to follow them into committed areas.  Make sure that you know the challenges that face committed people.  For example, being committed does not mean that you have to be a bad steward and spend carelessly,  if your funds are already committed to family expenses, do not redirect them to other committed activities of less priority.  You should not have to compromise one thing for another they each have a proper place in your life.  Go ahead, commit to something, but make sure you start with you.  Commit to your education, income, wealth, health and the desires of your heart. Caterpillars are committed to becoming a butterfly. They won't change their mind or quit, they are committed to become.